There will come a time that the union between a husband and wife is tested. The husband or wife may think if continuing the relationship is still worth it; a hard question to ask since the answer can only be found deep inside, past all the superficial hurts.
To figure out if fighting for your marriage is the best option, you must consider your partner and children’s welfare.
Deep down, the only question is all about respect, values and what you want in life. However, at times, assessing your marriage in different viewpoints can provide you with clarity.
Below are a number of questions from Heart & Oak Therapy you must ask first to help you determine if you are ready to trudge on or end your marriage:
Do you still have feelings for your partner?
Many married people who assert that they want to end their marriage still have strong feelings toward their partners; however, because of the ongoing struggle in their relationship, the closeness and intimacy start to fade. Struggling married couples must first try to work out everything before deciding on divorce. Don’t get overpowered with your negative feelings.
Do you still have basic respect for each other?
For a marriage to be successful, mutual respect must be present. However, there are times in every married couple’s life that respect is unfortunately thrown out of the window. Evidently, if you think that your spouse has truly lost respect for you, consider it as it can help determine the actions you must take.
If respect is missing in your marriage, find a way to gain that respect again. It will not be that easy and it’s best to start by giving yourself respect.
Is this a genuine decision based on self-awareness or is it a decision based on the emotional reaction?
If you really want to divorce your partner, it must come from a decision that is clear and free from the emotion that can support you in the long run. Divorce entails letting go of any emotional connections with your spouse. Decisions that are based on emotions don’t normally last and if based on making a decision will not solve any problem. Individuals who based their divorce from anger will stay angry even after their divorce.
Are you and your spouse’s visions for the future different?
Have you both asked if you don’t want to have children, whether to retire or even moral and ethical differences? The above-mentioned visions of the future can help in providing interesting discussion between you two as you try to resolve your dreams and come to a compromise. Such discussion can help in determining if you will push thru or not with your decision to have a divorce or to seek couples counselling.