A sexless marriage is not as common as you might think. Millions of couples live together, sharing each other’s daily lives, without actually enjoying the intimacy of the marital bed. We tend to assume that it is always the woman who gives her partner the cold shoulder, but in reality, it is just as likely to be man who says no to sex. So if this is the current state of your marriage, should you stay or go, and is there a way to fix it?
How Important is the Sex?
Not everyone craves sex. Some people actually prefer to go to bed with a cup of cocoa and read a good book instead of swinging from the chandeliers and working their way through the Karma Sutra. The issue occurs when one person’s needs are in direct conflict with those of their partner. So, if you have a high sex drive but your partner doesn’t, you both have a problem.
The Reason You’re Not Having Sex
Is there an obvious reason why sex is no longer on the menu? Babies and small children have a habit of making sex particularly unappealing for a few years. Women going through menopause are affected by falling levels of estrogen, which kills the libido stone dead. Men may also have physical problems as evidenced by an inability to form a lasting erection. Lastly, physical attraction may have waned or one partner could be enjoying sex with a third party.
Staying in a Sexless Marriage
Nobody should have to stay in an unhappy relationship, but if you have kids together, it is important that you both make an effort to work through the reasons why sex isn’t happening.
Communication is very important, but understandably, it may be a difficult subject to talk about. Try not to become upset or angry when discussing the problem. You may feel rejected or unattractive because of your partner’s unwillingness to have sex, but this is not just about you.
Hopefully you are able to talk about the problem, but if it is proving to be difficult, try booking some sessions with a relationship counsellor, who will be able to help you work things through in a non-judgmental environment.
If you do decide to stay in a sexless marriage, it is essential that you come to terms with the situation. Some partners agree to an open marriage in order to maintain the status quo. This gives the frustrated partner who wants sex permission to seek satisfaction outside of the relationship, either with a massage Montreal or by dating on adult websites. However, it you go down this road, you must conduct your extra marital relationships honestly and open to avoid hurting your partner.
The End of the Road
You may eventually decide that you can’t live without sex and sleeping with other people outside of your marriage isn’t for you. If this is the case, or you have fallen for someone else, it is best to cut your losses and try to have an amicable split.